1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:08,633 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,557 D' 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,600 Aah! 4 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,747 Lisa, will you keep it down? 5 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,808 I'm making a crank phone call to Principal Skinner. 6 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,501 Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator wasn't running. 7 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,420 You've spared me quite a bit of spoilage. 8 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,630 - Thank you, anonymous young man. - D' 9 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,632 It's my room and I can do what I want. 10 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,967 Yeah? 11 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,344 Well, I can do what I want in my room. 12 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,224 Bart, quit it! 13 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,145 I can keep this up all day. 14 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:13,323 Lisa, stop the racket. 15 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,884 I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. 16 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:18,995 Now, easy, easy... 17 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,332 I'm gonna need a bigger drill. 18 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:35,220 My, these seas are certainly heaving. 19 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:39,182 Well, no more than your bountiful bosom, milady. 20 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,394 Does that earring mean you're a pirate? 21 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:44,896 Kinda. 22 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,732 The seas have quieted. 23 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,610 And only in the sweet embrace of quietude 24 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,029 can two lovers truly be... 25 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,532 Ooh, such noise. 26 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,325 Well, I'm done for the evening. 27 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,955 Lisa, stop blowing my sex... 28 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,182 I mean, stop blowing your sax. 29 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,582 Your sax, stop it. 30 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,959 Mom, I'm auditioning 31 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,627 for first chair in the school band. 32 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,129 And I've got to practice. 33 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,840 I'm sorry, but I sacrificed a very expensive camera 34 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,550 just to get some quiet time. 35 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,305 Fine. I'll play outside. 36 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:24,769 Hey, why that sounds like Gabriel's trumpet. 37 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,146 You know that means, kids. 38 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,107 Yay! Judgment day! 39 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,069 45 seconds till pencils down. 40 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,030 Lisa, what's the answer to number seven? 41 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,282 Sorry, Ralph. 42 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,634 That would defeat the purpose of testing 43 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,494 as a means of student evaluation. 44 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,329 My cat's name is Mittens. 45 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,499 Three, two, one, and that's pencils down. 46 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,962 Now, here's an oral extra credit question. 47 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,630 What was Christopher Columbus 48 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,008 actually looking for when he discovered America? 49 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,634 Ooh, ooh! 50 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,678 Anyone besides Lisa for a change? 51 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,263 Enh, enh, enh! 52 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,265 Ralph, this better not be about your cat. 53 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:04,767 All right, Li... 54 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,495 Columbus was looking for a passage to India. 55 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,479 Correct, Allison. 56 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,523 And on your very first day in our class. 57 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,150 And during a subsequent voyage, 58 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,944 Columbus found what is now the continent of South America. 59 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,487 Yowee. 60 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,698 I never made Miss Hoover "yowee." 61 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,286 Hi, Allison. I'm Lisa Simpson. 62 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,787 It's great to finally meet someone 63 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,707 who converses above the normal eight-year-old level. 64 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,209 Actually, I'm seven. 65 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,793 I was just skipped ahead 66 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,646 because I was getting bored with the first grade. 67 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,505 You're younger than me too? 68 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,970 Are you hyperventilating? 69 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,806 No. I just like to smell my lunch. 70 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,976 Gee, I never met anyone who skipped a grade before. 71 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,537 I'm surprised you haven't been skipped. 72 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,747 You're obviously smart enough. 73 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,065 Well, I'm sure I could have, 74 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,610 but I'd hate to leave behind all my wonderful friends. 75 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,654 Out of the way, brain queen. 76 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,657 Hey, Sarah. 77 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,116 Well, I got to go. 78 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,869 I have to practice for band auditions. 79 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,163 Me, too. Hey, what instrument do you play? 80 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,164 The sax. 81 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,582 Me, too. 82 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,583 I'm going for first chair this year. 83 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,751 Me, too. 84 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,503 Wow, with so much in common, 85 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,421 I'm sure we'll be the best of friends. 86 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,505 Me, too. 87 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,715 Me, too. 88 00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,137 Hurry up and finish eating. 89 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,847 You're steering fine, boy. 90 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,724 Hard to the right! Hard to the left! 91 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,726 Cat! Deer! Old man! 92 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,229 Jackknifed sugar truck. 93 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,439 Sugar? 94 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:38,963 Don't worry, buddy. Here's a quarter. 95 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,130 Call for help at the nearest phone. 96 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,447 I'll keep an eye on things here. 97 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:45,535 If only this sugar were as sweet as you, sir. 98 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,620 Homer, that was downright decent of you. 99 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,330 We hit the jackpot here! 100 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,041 White gold, Texas tea... 101 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,376 Sweetener. 102 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,090 Dad, isn't this stealing? 103 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,717 Read your town charter, boy. 104 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,427 "If foodstuff should touch the ground, 105 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,596 said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot." 106 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,391 Since I don't see him around, start shoveling. 107 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,606 - Mom? - What? What? 108 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,650 Why am I still rotting away in the second grade 109 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,485 instead of being skipped ahead? 110 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,903 I don't know, honey. 111 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,822 I guess that's the school's decision to make. 112 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,591 Well, did you ever talk to anyone at the school? 113 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,284 Make a few calls on my behalf? 114 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:28,512 Maybe you could have been "nicer" to Principal Skinner, 115 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:29,996 if you know what I mean. 116 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,999 Lisa... I am nice. 117 00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,520 Homer, I really appreciate you making dinner, 118 00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:39,005 but this food tastes a little strange. 119 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,631 It hurts my teeth. 120 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,134 That's because I've loaded it with sugar! 121 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,971 Marge, our ship has come in. 122 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:50,183 I found 500 pounds of sugar... In the forest... 123 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,185 That I'm going to sell directly to the consumer, 124 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,979 and all for a low, low price of one dollar per pound. 125 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,815 But the grocery store sells sugar for 35 cents a pound. 126 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,109 And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it. 127 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,569 Those are prizes. 128 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,990 Ooh, a blasting cap. 129 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,205 It's your turn, Jimbo. 130 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,832 Ooh! 131 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,251 Someone's been practicing over the summer. 132 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,378 Welcome aboard. 133 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,213 Yes! 134 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,340 - Ooh! ! My lute! 135 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,719 Lisa Simpson trying for first chair saxophone. 136 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,354 Very nice. Now Allison Taylor, 137 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,398 also trying for first chair saxophone. 138 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,201 This is a very tough decision, girls. 139 00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:51,577 You're both very good. 140 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,881 Well, I guess that clinches that... 141 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,994 That was a close one, Lisa, 142 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,745 but you made it. 143 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,122 I won first chair? 144 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,457 No, you regained consciousness. 145 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,749 Allison got first chair. 146 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:47,884 It was just a dream. 147 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,719 That was a close one, Lisa, 148 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:50,970 but you made it. 149 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,346 I won first chair? 150 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,848 No, you regained consciousness. 151 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,349 Allison got first chair. 152 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,602 And believe me, this is not a dream! 153 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,986 I need help, Mom. There's another girl at school 154 00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:09,322 who's smarter, younger, and a better sax player than me. 155 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,282 I feel so average. 156 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,993 Well, you'll always be number one to me. 157 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:18,039 Hello! Firstborn within earshot. 158 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,374 I meant my number one girl. 159 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:22,835 For crying... 160 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,172 Honey, if you get too competitive, 161 00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,798 you'll never be happy. 162 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,509 No matter how good you are, 163 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,069 there's always going to be someone better than you. 164 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,803 I always thought I had the tallest hair. 165 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,848 But that trip to Graceland really opened my eyes. 166 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,183 But she's better than me 167 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,976 at everything that makes me special. 168 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,394 Believe me, honey, 169 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,813 she's more scared of you than you are of her. 170 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,233 You're thinking of bears, Mom. 171 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,236 Sugar man. 172 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,864 Door-to-door sugar? 173 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,908 Well, marvelous idea. 174 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,034 What's that, Mother? 175 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,565 I'm just talking to the sugar man. 176 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,665 Mother, I'm a big boy. 177 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,792 I can do as I wish. Excuse me. 178 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,562 Thanks a lot, Simpson. Now I'm grounded. 179 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,342 Hey, Allison, what's the answer to number nine? 180 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,927 I can't tell you, Ralph. 181 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,137 I can't tell you either, Ralph. 182 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,223 Leave me alone. 183 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,307 Brainiac! 184 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,517 Nerd! 185 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,685 You geekazoid! 186 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:21,768 Leave me alone! 187 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,775 That used to be my face in the mud. 188 00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:30,695 I can't stand to see you so miserable, Lis. 189 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,863 Unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress. 190 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,240 Ooh, that gives me an idea. 191 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:35,658 Note for later: 192 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,910 Put rubber spider down Lisa's dress. 193 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,855 Hey, I know. How about if I dig up 194 00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,798 some dirt on Allison? 195 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,441 Remember how I got Milhouse's picture on "America's Most Wanted?" 196 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,238 There he is, on the monkey bars. 197 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,972 Try to take him alive. 198 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,558 No! Not again! 199 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,455 I appreciate the offer, but it goes against 200 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,064 every moral fiber in my body. 201 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,984 Suit yourself. If you change your mind, here is my card. 202 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,068 I don't need a card. 203 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,421 You live in the room next to me. 204 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,573 Note: Next year, order fewer cards. 205 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,658 And you didn't think I'd make any money. 206 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,536 I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus. 207 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,788 While you were out "earning" that dollar, 208 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,458 you lost $40 by not going to work. 209 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,644 The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, 210 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:28,961 don't bother coming in Monday. 211 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,880 Woo-hoo! A four-day weekend! 212 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,221 Hey! I am above average. 213 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,015 So what if Allison's ahead of me. 214 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,143 There's no shame in being second. 215 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,146 And now, Avis Rent-a-car is proud to present 216 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,899 the second best band in America. 217 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:53,486 Will you welcome Garfunkel, Messina, Oates and Lisa 218 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:57,740 singing their number two hit "Born to Runner-up." 219 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,207 Why would they come to our concert just to boo us? 220 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,060 Lis, I did some checking on this Allison character, 221 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,628 and I know it's against all your moral fibers... 222 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:11,754 Give it to me. 223 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,132 Hey, wait, there's nothing bad here. 224 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,218 Yep. She's clean as a bean. 225 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:20,221 But I did tip off the feds as to the whereabouts 226 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,140 of our good friend Milhouse. 227 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,810 I'm telling you, I didn't do anything. 228 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:26,893 I don't care. 229 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,487 Ouch! My glasses! 230 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:42,076 I've got to stop being so petty. 231 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,037 I should be Allison's friend, not her competitor. 232 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,831 I mean... 233 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,917 she is a wonderful person. 234 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,252 Way to go, Lis. 235 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,087 I mean, why compete with someone 236 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,690 who's just gonna kick your butt anyway? 237 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,091 I prefer my phrasing. 238 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,220 It's great of you to come over, Lisa. 239 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,139 I really want us to be friends. 240 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,182 You're a wonderful person. 241 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,727 Hi, Lisa, I'm Allison's father, Professor Taylor. 242 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,520 I've heard great things about you. 243 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,355 Really? I... 244 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,279 Well, don't be modest, I'm glad we have someone 245 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,276 who can join us in our anagram games. 246 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,236 We take proper names and rearrange the letters 247 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,196 to form a description of that person. 248 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,615 Like, I don't know... 249 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,659 Alec Guinness. 250 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,994 Genuine class. 251 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,662 Ho-ho, very good. 252 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,291 All right, Lisa. Um... Jeremy Irons. 253 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,796 Jeremy's Iron. 254 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,927 Well, that's very good for a first try. 255 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,471 You know what? 256 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,431 I have a ball. 257 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,794 Perhaps you'd like to bounce it. 258 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,275 What's this? 259 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,319 It's for the school diorama competition. 260 00:12:58,402 --> 00:12:59,779 You're finished already? 261 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,530 But the competition isn't for weeks. 262 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,575 Lisa, we're talking dioramas. Who could wait? 263 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,286 I chose "The Tell-Tale Heart," by Edgar Allan Poe. 264 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:10,122 See, this is the bedroom where the old man was murdered, 265 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,542 and he's buried here under the floorboards. 266 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,586 And look, I used an old metronome 267 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:20,007 to simulate the heartbeat that drove the killer insane. 268 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,761 Ha ha. It's neat? 269 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,096 It's great. 270 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,140 It's really great. 271 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,684 Heh heh. 272 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,855 Got away from you? 273 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,149 Well, you keep at it. 274 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,996 Must... protect... sugar. 275 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,790 Thieves everywhere... 276 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,292 The strong must protect the sweet. 277 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,753 The sweet... 278 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,756 Homer? 279 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:05,135 In America, first you get the sugar, 280 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:10,724 then you get the power, then you get the women. 281 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,269 Homer! Homer? 282 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,145 - Wha-what? - I want you to forget 283 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,564 about guarding this stupid sugar. 284 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,649 You're being completely paranoid. 285 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,067 Am I? 286 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,485 Am I really? 287 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,486 Aha! 288 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,570 Hello. 289 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,573 All right, pal. 290 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,925 Where'd you get the sugar for that tea? 291 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,951 I nicked it when you let your guard down 292 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,744 for that split second. 293 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,330 And I'd do it again. 294 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:34,456 Good-bye. 295 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,375 You see, Marge? You see? 296 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:37,376 Homer, when are you going to give up 297 00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:39,003 this crazy sugar scheme? 298 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,004 Never! 299 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,547 Never, Marge. 300 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,300 I can't live the button-down life like you. 301 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,426 I want it all. 302 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:46,760 The terrifying lows, 303 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,262 the dizzying highs, 304 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,555 the creamy middles. 305 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:53,267 Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses 306 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,394 with my cocky stride and musky odors. 307 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:59,899 I'll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers, 308 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,568 who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, 309 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:06,572 and talk about, "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?" 310 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:09,491 Look, just get rid of the sugar, okay? 311 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,993 No! 312 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,084 Hey! Get off my sugar! 313 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,628 Bad bees! Bad! 314 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,841 They're defending themselves somehow. 315 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,845 Look, Bart. It almost killed me. 316 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,306 But I handcrafted all 75 characters 317 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:33,807 from "Oliver Twist." 318 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,518 And now... The coup de grace, 319 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,229 a bitter snowstorm. 320 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:43,317 Cool. 321 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,279 Is it okay? 322 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:51,951 Well, the important thing is that we survived. 323 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,911 Who am I kidding? 324 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,497 There's no way I'm ever gonna beat Allison. 325 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,916 Sure there is. 326 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:02,503 But it involves being a bit underhanded, 327 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:06,382 a bit devious, a bit, as the French say, 328 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,800 Bartesque. 329 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,510 I'll do whatever it takes. 330 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,846 Then welcome to the nether regions of the soul. 331 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,518 Now, here's what we do. 332 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,496 Tomorrow morning, when Allison comes out of her house, 333 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,897 we spray her with the hose, 334 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,192 soaking her from head to toe, leaving us relatively dry. 335 00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,777 Relatively? 336 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,380 Well, there's bound to be some splash-back. 337 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,865 Bart, her being wet won't help me win the competition. 338 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,868 Well. We could just sabotage her diorama, 339 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,013 humiliating her in front of the students and faculty. 340 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,122 Perfect! 341 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,915 Leaving her primed for the most traumatic 342 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,667 hose-soaking of her life. 343 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,293 Enough with the hose! 344 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,716 Well, it sure is quiet in here today. 345 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,386 Yes! A little too quiet if you know what I mean. 346 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,971 I'm afraid I don't. 347 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,349 You see, bees usually make a lot of noise. 348 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:58,517 No noise... 349 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,352 suggests no bees. 350 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,813 I understand now. 351 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,106 Look. There goes one. 352 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,107 To the Beemobile! 353 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,775 You mean your Chevy? 354 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,152 Yes. 355 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,362 Well, very clever, Simpson. 356 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,322 Luring our bees to your sugar pile, 357 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,533 and then selling them back to us at an inflated price. 358 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,868 Bees are on the what now? 359 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,787 Simpson, you diabolical... 360 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,332 We're willing to pay you $2,000 for this swarm. 361 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,667 Deal! 362 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,337 Wait a minute. 363 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,421 The bees are leaving. 364 00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,008 No! 365 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,677 My sugar is melting. 366 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,430 Melting! What a world. 367 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:42,061 The sugar's gone. 368 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,729 I'm sorry, Homie. 369 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:44,980 It's okay, Marge. 370 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,607 I've learned my lesson. 371 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,277 A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. 372 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,695 It's clear now why God 373 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,448 portions it out in those tiny packets, 374 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:57,826 and why He lives on a plantation in Hawaii. 375 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:02,289 "Diorama-rama," My favorite school event, 376 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:03,957 next to "Hearing Test Thursday." 377 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,292 "The Grapes of Wrath?" 378 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:06,293 I don't get it. 379 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,628 Here's the grapes. 380 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,506 And here's the wrath. 381 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:11,590 Ew! 382 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:12,673 Ha-ha! 383 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,468 Yes, yes, very good wrath. 384 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:17,471 Let's see, our foreign exchange student Üter 385 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:21,225 has chosen "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." 386 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:22,601 I... 387 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:24,561 But this is just an empty box. 388 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,856 I begged you to look at mine first. 389 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,024 I begged you. 390 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,235 Lisa. 391 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,820 Here is, as the French say, 392 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,696 le fake diorama. 393 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,324 I'll create a diversion, and you make the switch. 394 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,493 Hey, everybody! 395 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:40,577 Whoa! Look at me. 396 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:41,870 I'm over here. 397 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,039 Turn this way right now! 398 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,582 Hey, it's Bart. 399 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,709 And he's doing stuff. 400 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,508 Bart, stop creating 401 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,385 a diversion and get out of here. 402 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,308 Okay, our next entry is "The Tell-Tale Heart" 403 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,893 from Allison Taylor. 404 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,145 I can't wait to see this. 405 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,228 Be ready with the ribbon. 406 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,023 Eww... 407 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,817 - Ew. - What is it? 408 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,610 It's a cow's heart. 409 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,905 They're trying to make a monkey out of you. 410 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,616 Allison, is this supposed to be 411 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,868 some kind of joke? 412 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,954 I didn't do that. 413 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:25,497 I made a different one. 414 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,915 Is that so, young lady? 415 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,209 Well, where is this phantom diorama? 416 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,670 I... I don't know. 417 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,721 At least have the guts to take the blame, girl. 418 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,973 You're compounding your folly by lying about it. 419 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,892 - Right on. - Young lady, cow hearts 420 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:48,520 belong in a butcher's window, not the classroom. 421 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,939 Well, maybe in an older student's biology classroom, 422 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,399 but that's none of my business. 423 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,276 Elementary school is where I wound up, 424 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,079 and it's too late to do anything about that. 425 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,864 Frankly, I'm starting to regret skipping you ahead. 426 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,673 It's the beating of that hideous heart! 427 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,469 I mean, I think I hear something. 428 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,307 Why, here's Allison's real diorama. 429 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:28,727 It got misplaced, or so it would seem. 430 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,687 Well, that changes everything. 431 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,481 Let's have a look. Get the ribbon ready. 432 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:39,196 A little sterile, no real insight. 433 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,739 What do you think, Miss Hoover? 434 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,744 This has been a very disappointing day. 435 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:47,913 All right, on to Lisa Simpson. 436 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,623 You're a shoo-in now, Lis. 437 00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:52,251 After the way I've behaved, I don't deserve to win. 438 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,795 - Well, this doesn't deserve to win. - What? 439 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,797 Ooh, now we're into the dregs. 440 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,799 Here's Ralph Wiggum's entry. 441 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:02,427 Prepackaged "Star Wars" characters still in their display box? 442 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,388 Are those the limited edition action figures? 443 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:05,973 What's a diorama? 444 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:09,059 Why, it's Luke and Obi-wan and my favorite, Chewie. 445 00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:10,769 They're all here! 446 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:11,770 What do you think? 447 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:12,771 I think it's lunchtime. 448 00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,065 We have a winner. 449 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,699 I'm really sorry about what I did, Allison. 450 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,159 It's no shame being second to you. 451 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,786 Thank you, Lisa. 452 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:30,247 You know, I'm actually kind of glad I lost. 453 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:33,667 Now I know losing isn't the end of the world. 454 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,044 Hey, you still think we can be friends? 455 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,130 Only if we're the best. 456 00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:41,675 I beat the smart kids. I beat the smart kid... 457 00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:44,469 I bent my wookiee. 458 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,305 Hey, Ralph, want to come with me and Allison 459 00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,848 to play anagrams? 460 00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,701 We take proper names and rearrange the letters 461 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,852 to form a description of that person. 462 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:54,354 My cat's breath smells like cat food. 463 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,616 ♪♪ 464 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:50,786 Shh. 465 00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:56,416 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.